Having the boss start to crush on you can be tricky to deal with.
In movies, office romances might seem fun and exciting.
But in real life, things get messy when the person in charge starts liking you as more than just an employee.
You might notice some signs your boss has the hots for you, even if you don’t feel the same way back.
They may try to hide it, but their behavior could give them away.
Look for those clues, but don’t go thinking they’ll make a serious move or do anything unprofessional. Handle the sitch smoothly and maturely.
Here are the top secret signs your boss likes you but is hiding it and how to respond correctly.
Changes in How They Chat with You
Words reveal deeper insights than their literal meaning.
When your boss starts communicating differently with you, it may signal they wanna get closer personally.
Chats About Non-Work for No Reason
You used to just discuss work stuff during biz hours.
But lately, your boss initiates convos about your weekend shenanigans, hobbies,
Netflix binges or other topics have zilch to do with the actual job.
Casual convos are normal among colleagues obvi.
But these unnecessary one-on-one personal chats show they tryna connect with you specifically and find common ground.
They ask about your interests and opinions on random things to get more familiar with you as an individual.
Remembers Little Personal Details About You
Bosses have mad responsibilities and people to manage.
So when yours recalls random tiny deets about your personal life from a while back, it shows you stand out in their mind.
Maybe they asked how your sick cat’s doing after you briefly mentioned a vet appointment, or they’ll reference details about a trip or big life event from a while ago.
Remembering these little personal tidbits and bringing them up later means you’re more than just another one of their underlings.
They pay special attention to personal details about you and your life outside of work.
Asks About Your Life and Relationships
If your boss randomly asks whether you’re single, married, or divorced, about who you’re dating, your past relationships, your social life, family sitch, living arrangements, or other nosy questions about your romantic availability and relationships, they likely have a personal interest.
These questions that go beyond regular friendliness hint they tryna gauge your availability and current relationship status.
They’re showing unusual curiosity about your personal life and relationships.
Starts One-on-One Convos
Managers chat with all staffers daily as part of the gig.
But yours may find reasons to seek you out specifically for unnecessary private convos whenever possible about non-work topics.
For example, they “happen to stop by” your desk frequently to chat about random things, or they’ll pull you aside to join them on errands unrelated to work that don’t require extra bodies.
Making up reasons for unnecessary solo Facetime shows you’re special to them.
Contacts You Outside Work
Non-urgent personal texts, calls, DMs, or emails from your boss after clocking out, on weekends, holidays, or during vacays could possibly be about urgent work matters.
But frequent communication from them late nights, weekends, and days off for no clear work reason may reveal they personally wanna chat with you during your free time off the clock.
They’re putting in extra effort to engage with you during your personal time rather than keeping it professional.
Laughs at Your Jokes and Banter
We all love peeps who get our humor.
If your boss smiles and LOLs often whenever you make casual jokes, banter, or try your hand at humor around the office, it may mean they feel comfy around you and want you to like them back on a personal level rather than just professionally.
Your playful jokes help build rapport and ease tension between a manager and an employee.
So their visible delight and genuine laughter in response to your attempts at humor can serve to strengthen your personal bond.
Compliments Your Looks, Work, or Personality
Genuine props feel nice to get from anyone.
But look out for frequent flattering comments from your boss that focus on your appearance, outfit choices, body, hair, face, smile, personality quirks, sense of humor, or other personal traits versus merely bigging up your work skills.
Telling you that you have gorgeous eyes, great style, a warm personality, and hilarious wit, or that they love your outfit choices crosses into more intimate, personal territory compared to simply shouting out a work project you completed.
It may reveal they’re noticing intimate physical and personality details about you.
How They Act Around You
Sometimes it’s not what bosses say but how they act around certain staffers that seem sus.
Major behavior changes only around you specifically may expose their crush.
Gets Extra Nervous or Flustered
Confident, experienced managers are used to taking charge, having authority, and relating smoothly and comfily to their team.
But your previously chill boss may suddenly get anxious and self-conscious exclusively around you.
You may notice they fidget, tap their foot, play with their hands, shift around frequently, or avoid eye contact when interacting with you one-on-one.
Other body language signs like stumbling over words, visible shaking, sweating, blushing, or dodging eye contact signal you stress them TF out.
They wanna impress you but struggle to play it cool.
Stumbles Over Words
Similarly, a normally very well-spoken boss may suddenly become tongue-tied, stammer, stutter, ramble, or get confused trying to find the right words when conversing specifically with you.
Whereas they’re perfectly polished and eloquent with other staff, engaging in talk with you seems to short-circuit their communication abilities, causing nervous stammering, awkward pauses, and verbosity.
You fluster them in a way no one else does, causing them to lose their natural composure.
Tries to Always Be Near You
A boss crushing on you will find lame excuses to be around you a ton without admitting they admire you.
They’ll hover near your workspace, pass by your area repeatedly without reason, or “drop by” your office for meaningless reasons.
Whether it’s scheming up collabs that require your constant input, asking you along on basic errands unrelated to your role, or making up questionable reasons they urgently need to consult you, they’re aiming to manufacture proximity and chances to chat.
Closeness breeds comfortability and attraction in their eyes.
Gets Defensive if Teased About You
When observant colleagues gently joke or tease them about flirting with you or giving you favoritism, truly professional managers will laugh it off or ignore it.
But if your boss gets really defensive, it likely reveals deeper feelings.
Them getting angry, upset, embarrassed, or denying it forcefully makes it seem like the teasing struck a nerve of truth.
They may get worked up defending themselves or accuse others of being inappropriate.
A chill, indifferent reaction would be far less shady.
Touching and Body Language Signs
Beyond just words, increased physical closeness and body language shifts also signal your boss is crushing on you.
Allows Closer Physical Proximity
Most respected managers maintain an appropriate distance from subordinates during interactions.
But one feeling you may stand nearer than needed, sit way closer than required next to you, or linger in your space during conversations, meetings, etc.
Invading your personal bubble demonstrates an unconscious desire for intimacy and comfily around you specifically versus other employees.
This subtle change clues you in that they want inappropriate closeness.
Finds Excuses to Initiate Touching
Bosses nursing crushes also tend to find seemingly innocent excuses to initiate more physical contact with you than necessary.
You may notice they find reasons to give you hugs, put a hand on your shoulder or arm, brush up against you, graze your hand when passing stuff, playfully nudge you, fix your hair or clothes, etc.
While some touches will be genuinely accidental, a pattern forming shows intent on their part to create reasons and situations allowing for frequent unnecessary physical closeness and contact.
They subconsciously crave that connection. It gradually builds sexual tension and pushes intimate boundaries.
Holds Long Eye Contact with You
A lot can be read through eye contact, including signs of an admiring boss.
You may notice they hold eye contact with you for longer than expected before glancing away.
The eye contact lingers past the point polite conversational flow dictates they should break the stare.
These lingering looks, prolonged direct gazes, and repeated glances your way during interactions expose their captivation even if they don’t mean to be creepy.
Studies show we naturally maintain more consistent, extended eye contact with people we’re drawn to.
Their unwillingness to break the mutual gaze reveals their enthrallment with you.
Checks You Out Secretly
Since staring is rude, bosses crushing on you will often gaze at you secretly when your back is turned or you seem distracted.
So you may catch them admiring you from across the room when you unexpectedly look up from your computer or turn around.
Them quickly looking away when caught exposed they were transfixed.
They can’t resist repeatedly drinking you in visually on the sly when you aren’t peeping.
These sneaky stares satisfy their attraction discreetly.
Faces Body Toward You
Folks signal who they’re most engaged with by turning their shoulders, torso, legs, and feet toward them – even in groups.
Your smitten boss will likely angle their body pointedly toward you when conversing or spending time together in the same room rather than face the rest of the group.
This unconscious maneuver subtly focuses their attention on you.
Like a sunflower chasing sunlight, their body naturally gravitates your way.
Facing you demonstrates a desire to soak up your presence and attention.
Copies Your Body Language and Gestures
Another primal way we non-verbally indicate interest or attraction is through mirroring body language and gestures during conversation.
Pay attention if your boss copies how you sit or stand, shifts their body when you do, leans in when you lean forward, or repeats your hand motions and touching of hair or face frequently.
This body synchronization signals an instinctual urge to match and relate to you.
Controlling Behavior and Jealousy
Secret crushes breed a desire for exclusivity with the object of affection. Your boss showing interest may act possessive around you or jealous of others in your life.
Displays Territorial Body Language
For example, when you stop to chat with an attractive colleague, your boss may materialize nearby and hover protectively close during the exchange.
Other territorial body language includes squaring up their shoulders, standing tall, draping a possessive arm across your chair, interjecting themselves into the convo, or pulling you aside later to question the interaction.
These non-verbals demonstrate their claim over you and aim to intimidate potential “rivals.”
Dislikes You Socializing with Coworkers
Similarly, they likely won’t appreciate you enjoying lively convos, inside jokes, friendships, or bonds with certain colleagues – especially attractive ones.
They want to remain the star of your work social life rather than happily sharing your attention.
You may notice they undermine, nitpick, compete with, or talk trash about coworkers you’re bonding with in hopes of discouraging those relationships from growing.
Prying about colleagues you’re closest with or diverting your attention exposes their goal to isolate you socially. They hope to be your sole companion and confidant.
Meddles with Other Connections You Make
In extreme cases, a boss with intense unrequited feelings may attempt to sabotage other positive connections you establish if they sense a threat from them.
For example, if you hit it off platonically with a well-liked mentor at a company event, your boss may later unjustly spread gossip about them intended to make you second-guess connecting again.
They want to be the only work confidant you rely on and open up to.
Extra Favors from the Boss
Superiors crushing on staffers they admire wish to impress them.
You may get rewards like extra assistance, choice assignments, and rule bending they don’t give others.
Prioritizes Your Requests and Helps You More
HR warns managers not to play obvious faves.
But your boss may frequently put your needs first and provide extra mentoring, assistance, and accommodations others don’t receive.
You get fast email replies, schedule hooks up, and generous offers to help lighten your load.
To them, you and your job satisfaction take top priority.
Makes Exceptions to Rules for You
Even strict bosses may give you special flexibility when you need rules bent, like dress code exceptions, being late, or extra time off.
Their willingness to ignore policies for you shows they think highly of you. In their eyes, you’re worth making exceptions for.
Offers Perks to Keep You Happy
Managers can make work life easier for certain staffers by granting premium schedules, cool assignments, and other perks.
Yours may reward you with first pick of vacay dates, coveted projects, trips to conferences, and other benefits to keep you satisfied and loyal.
Confides in You About Personal or Work Issues
Opening up about private struggles or sensitive info signifies profound trust and reliance on you.
When your boss unloads on you or seeks your counsel, it reveals desire to bond.
Granting you insider access to their world elevates your status beyond strictly professional into their trusted inner circle.
Grants You Exclusive One-on-One Access
Does your boss extend one-on-one or VIP invites for lunches, coffees, drinks, or events more than other staffers?
Private access signals they crave closer friendship outside of work.
Making you their plus one for excursions, exclusive events, or “accidental” meetups shows they prioritize finding extra opportunities to chill solo together.
Flirty Hints
Before making overt moves, cautious bosses may drop flirty hints to subtly test your openness to crossing professional lines.
Sexual innuendo, compliments, and manufactured isolation scenarios reveal temptation.
Uses Flirtatious Banter and Compliments
Innocent jokes involving suggestive wordplay or flirty praise of your looks, charisma, wit, etc gently test boundaries.
While likely not ill-intentioned, these exchanges subtly check your reaction to their interest.
Complimenting your “sexy legs” flirtatiously obviously crosses different lines than an innocent compliment about your new hairstyle.
Makes Suggestive Remarks Hinting at Attraction
Some bold bosses may directly float their interest using plausibly deniable comments about wishing circumstances were different, meeting you outside of work, or asking “hypothetically” about colleagues dating.
This tactic slyly conveys their desires while maintaining cover.
Vaguely admitting they find you wildly attractive suggests openness to more than professionalism.
Tries to Get Alone Time with You
More determined bosses may manufacture situations where you’re isolated together outside normal circumstances, like lingering late unnecessarily, pulling you into empty rooms to chat alone, or asking you to stay behind solo after events.
It’s a sketchy ploy hoping intimacy grows through extended alone time.
But avoid taking their slippery bait, regardless of the excuses given.
Finds Excuses to Give You Rides Home
Similarly, they may use commutes as an opportunity to advance the personal relationship.
A boss who offers frequent unneeded rides home or volunteers regularly to pick you up or drop you off is likely seeking extra bonding time together in the confines of their car.
Decline the offers graciously to avoid blurring boundaries.
If they live very out of the way, it reveals their willingness to go far out of their way for alone time with you.
What Should You Do?
If you suspect your boss likes you, proceed thoughtfully:
- First, reflect whether you’re misreading friendly mentoring for romantic interest. Some signs like coaching may be purely professional.
- But if multiple signs point to personal attachment, set clear boundaries now. Politely but firmly remind them of your working relationship.
- If dating allusions arise, shut them down respectfully. Redirect focus back to work topics.
- Avoid unnecessary alone time together. Keep things surface-level friendly, not intimate.
- If very uncomfortable with advances, explore changing teams. Don’t stay in an unhealthy situation.
- But don’t assume their interest means they’ll act unethically without consent. Many mature professionals contain crushes appropriately.
Above all, trust your instincts if something feels “off” about too much crossover between their professional and personal manner with you.
Prioritize your comfort and career over just keeping the peace.
Don’t enable unprofessional behaviors.
FAQ
What if I start crushing on my boss too?
Catching feelings too gets messy.
Think about work policies, power gaps, reputation risks and conflicts before going there.
What are subtle ways to get them to back off?
Keep convos work-focused. Avoid solo time.
Dress simply and stay professional.
Mention a fake partner occasionally.
Limit eye contact and physical closeness.
Should I report if I’m uncomfortable but they’re careful?
Not necessarily if they’re behaving.
But if you said no and they keep pursuing you, document that and report it.
How will I know if they try getting payback if I reject them?
Watch for sudden unfair criticism about your work, denied promotions, unrealistic expectations or lack of support.
Report subtle payback.
What could I risk if I report them or just up and quit?
There are often tradeoffs like strained relationships or reputation damage if you report.
Consider carefully if it’s best for you.
What if my boss threatens to can me if I don’t date them?
Threats, and offers linked to your job status are unethical.
Report them rather than give in.
Should I play dumb about their interest to avoid drama?
You can subtly discourage interest by acting oblivious initially.
But addressing oversteps directly is better before things get worse.
Ignoring it can encourage them.
How can I ask to switch teams smoothly?
Cite neutral reasons like wanting to build expertise in new areas.
Frame it as an opportunity rather than blaming their interest.
Provide plenty of transition time.
What if the boss spreads rumors after rejection?
Refute rumors calmly with facts. Get credible allies to defend you.
Document any retaliation. HR should step in if bad behavior continues.
In Conclusion
Dealing with mutual attraction between a boss and an employee requires being very sensitive.
Look for signals but establish boundaries around anyone pressuring you based on power differences.
Preserve professionalism unless certain relationships align with company policies.
Firmly reject inappropriate advances.
While extra boss attention might seem nice temporarily, recognize it often stems from disempowering motives rather than real care and compatibility.
Seek healthy relationships built on equal footing.
And keep communications open to prevent misinterpretations.
By handling tricky situations smartly, you can often prevent impropriety while maintaining effective working relationships.
But always trust your gut whether interactions feel appropriate or not.
Make your comfort and career the priorities over just keeping the peace.
